My boyfriend has a fetish for really dirty talk….

Dear Dr. Pam,


My boyfriend has developed this fetish for me talking really dirty to him. It’s not the usual stuff like I’d guess a lot couples would say to each other. But he wants me to get really raunchy and even verbally abusive to him.


I don’t know where this has come from and sometimes it’s him talking dirty to me which I don’t mind quite as much for some reason. He’s perfectly normal in every other way. I find it disgusting talking like this. Have you got any suggestions because it’s turning me right off? Thanks, Tina (35) X

young couple in bedHi Tina,


Talking dirty is one way for people to keep things spicy and is more common than you’d think as there are loads of men [and women] that enjoy raunchy sex talk. And it’s perfectly “normal” [I dislike that word] as long as it’s acceptable to both people.


But as you found, for some like yourself talking really dirty leaves a bad taste in their mouth. You two have chalk-and-cheese attitudes towards it. But you can get over such differences – almost every couple has such differences about one thing or another – oral sex, their favourite positions, etc.


What you two need to do is a bit of a homework sex-ercise. Each of you should sit down and make a list of the words you’re happy to say and a second list of words that you’re happy to listen to. You might be more than happy for him to say some things that you yourself don’t want to say.

Now compare your lists and see where they overlap. It’s those words that you both feel comfortable with that you should say or listen to. Let him know how much this means to you and you’re willing to compromise with the words you find acceptable. Heck, get him to compromise over something you prefer doing that he’s not particularly into.

When it comes to you verbally abusing him [as opposed to using really raunchy sex-chat] again you might find you can abuse him in certain ways but not in others.

Ultimately he can’t pressure you into talking like a squaddie on a piss-up no matter how much he’d like you to. Good luck, Pamx

Follow Dr Pam on twitter @drpamspurr

Follow Dr Pam on twitter @drpamspurr 

For loads more advice, Dr Pam’s NEW sex-and-love guide is available NOW: Sex Academy – Essential lessons in Seduction and Spectacular Sex book is available here to buy  

Also visit