My fiance wants sex all the time! 

My fiance is very highly sexed. If it were up to him we’d do it twice a night. I honestly thought by now (we’ve been together three years) things would’ve calmed down. It’s not that he’s a bad lover as he’s really quite caring about my pleasure. But I just don’t want it five or six nights a week.

I work long hours, take pride in our home and I think two or three times a week would be plenty. How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings? I hope you can help me, Deedee


Hi Deedee,

I must say he does have a high sex drive – exhausting for you just thinking about it. Funny enough there’s such a big myth about men wanting it all the time that you’d think this would be a common problem – and men all over the country want sex five or six times a week. That’s simply not the case and I’m guessing you don’t have any girlfriends in the same position.

What usually happens is after the first 6-9 months of the sexually charged “honeymoon period” sexual desire drops off a bit. Many couples settle into (hopefully) what is a satisfying but physically less demanding routine.

Obviously this hasn’t happened with your fiancé. Before I suggest compromising with him I’d like you to consider whether he uses sex as a way to validate himself. Some men (and women) seem like they’re highly sexed when they just want reassurance that they’re still attractive, that they’ve got “it”. If you think this is your fiancé then you need to discuss with him about boosting his confidence generally – so he doesn’t specifically try to boost in the bedroom.

Otherwise compromise is very important if you’re going to have long-term happiness. Tell him you absolutely love having sex with him. Then say you find it quite tiring to have it that often, though. Suggest compromising and that you have it a little less frequently but you’ll ensure it’s fantastic. If he can’t compromise then suggest he pleasures himself every couple days to take the edge off his drive. Good luck, Pamx

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