Dear Dr Pam,

I’m really worried as I think I may be addicted to one-night-stands. I started having them a year ago after a relationship break-up, and now it seems that I’m with a different guy every weekend!

awkward-breakups-that-give-us-secondhand-embarrassmentI enjoy them and always have safe sex, but my friends are worried about me.

Is it ok for me to have so many one-night-stands, and can I still catch something if I’m being careful?

Thanks your help, Michelle

Hi Michelle, My personal rule-of-thumb is that if you worry about something then some part of your subconscious mind is telling you it’s probably not a good thing. Or that may be it might become something that isn’t good stop.

We should question of all sorts of our behaviours as that’s the way we come to the best answers. So your ‘internalised’ questioning of yourself is a good start.

Also as your friends are worried then maybe they can see it’s getting out of hand.It sounds like you have great friends who are looking out for you so that’s another good starting point.

The occasional one-night stand is something most people have experienced but making them a regular event is another thing. Quite frankly it can start eroding your self-esteem especially if you end up really liking someone you sleep with – but they see you as a one night stand only.

Unless you have rock-solid confidence ultimately the message you’re giving out is, “I can’t be bothered to get to know you more than just having sex with you – and I’m not worth bothering about either.” If some of this resonates with you why not look for excitement in other ways and stay close to your friends when out so you’re not tempted to pick up someone.

Finally, I don’t want to sound ‘alarmist’ but if it seriously starts becoming a problem you should consult your GP about getting a referral to appropriate counselling and consider checking out information about sex addiction.

Look after yourself, Pamx

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