Dear Dr. Pam,
For my birthday my boyfriend got me a hideous set of underwear from an adult shop. It’s shiny material, kind of like PVC, but not as thick.It’s really tight and laces up the back. I think it makes me look like a streetwalker.
I wonder how he thinks I could possibly feel good dressing in it?? I haven’t worn it for him yet as I’ve been putting it off. He keeps askingme to slip it on when we have sex. How can I get out of wearing this? The last thing I feel is sexy in it. Thank you for any advice, Rebecca xx
You and every other woman in the land have experienced this. Men have very different ideas of what looks sexy on a woman compared to what we think.
Obviously he’d love the sight of you in something tight that he could lace up…and obviously unlace. But that might be your idea of bedroom-fashion hell.
Can you compromise over this? Is there something you’d love him to slip into? Why not buy him something you think is sexy and ask him to have a “dressing up” night with you.
You’ll put on his gear and he’ll put on yours. Treat it like a lark, don’t take it seriously, and let him enjoy you in that outfit.
There’s no harm in occasionally pandering to his tastes so that he can pander to yours. In future though you might want to suggest sexy shopping together and then you can point him in the direction of the things you’d love to wear. Sometimes that’s all it takes and then he understands what makes you feel really good.
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