Sending a big virtual hug to you all……
After a brief hello and I am back, I am sorry to say I disappeared again into the fog of motherhood. Combined with a few personal upheavals, this year certainly has been one of the most enjoyable, saddest, hardest and fulfilling years I have had. I have loved every second of it and it has been one learning curve after another
So….I wanted to start again and say HELLOOOO, I am STILL surviving motherhood 2nd time around and its been a crazy old year!
Actually, I shouldn’t really say surviving, I should say enjoying – loving – embracing – happily living. All those worries I had, all those doubts about myself and how I would handle motherhood again were simply washed away as soon as I settled into a routine with my brood.
I could not have written this after having Finley – I hold my hands up to say I found 1st time around motherhood really really tough. ‘Hit by a bus springs to mind’ and the upheaval to my life was unlike anything I had known. I read my old posts and just remember how I struggled.
I’ve said before how much I wish I could go back the person I am now and enjoy him so much more. cherish the little things and enjoy my little boy for all the things I didn’t see at the time. But I tell him often how special is it to me and how he makes me a better mummy each day.
So what HAVE I learned? LOTS!
Mainly just to enjoy it and drink it all in. I was told that each baby comes with its own rule book – ‘how different can two siblings really be’ I used to say to myself? Well they are totally and utterly different and as I am told regularly, they are their own individual person and as a parent, it is lucky me and daddy who get to see who they become each day.
But I made a mental note – you know, over conversations with other mums of two or more babies where we chuckle at ourselves, about how we laugh at how little we knew, how stressed we were and how much more easy we are on ourselves now. We did our best no doubt but we were tough on ourselves too.
So there are just a few of the things I have learned about being a 2nd time around mum.
Mainly to enjoy, relax, don’t stress, be less regimented and let my baby girl develop at her pace. I was endlessly comparing Finley’s milestones to those around me, on the baby newsletters I received each day on email and worrying about food, his weight, his teeth, his movement. That poor child! And what on earth was I doing to myself! Many friends were less stressed than I was – it is something I need to work on BIG time! Elsie has a much less stressed mummy and I think as a result she is much more content in herself. She will develop at HER pace. I know that now and wish wish wish I hadn’t rushed things 1st time around.
The best outcome? I have embraced my body a LOT MORE. I have let nature do its thing this time and when I felt ready, I started exercising. AND when it fit around my family because I didn’t want to miss a second this time around. And I enjoy it now! That 1 hour run when I can just helps clear my foggy head and takes me out of the home and its duties.
I am also much more organised – getting two children ready (total respect to mums and dads or twins, 3 and 4 etc kiddies) requires time AND patience so I decided to get SUPER organised in all aspects. I now make baby meet ups on time and I always have a stash of clothes, activities and food on hand to feed both. They both seem to be endlessly hungry, dirty, on the go or keeping me flat out with their boundless energy. (More on food later on in my posts). But I am pretty darn good at making packed lunches in a hurry.
I have also become a teacher to not only my baby in her 1st year but also to my son – my eldest – in all ways of the world and how he treats others. As he and his little sister grow, he becomes more aware of who is is and his feelings. These can be outbursts of his temper, laughter and tears but nothing has wavered his love for his sister. Their bond is unlike anything I imagined and for that, I love him even more. He gave me all the tools I needed – for the days I felt exhausted feeding or when I had forgotten the dinner in the oven as I was so tired from the two children, his funny joke or playful tickle never failed to make me smile.
There are hundreds or more things I learn every day; especially about myself. The most important lesson is that I have ENJOYED every step of motherhood from the flabby body to the unsatisfactory pelvic floor (yikes how did it get sooo bad!) to the ongoing Pelvis issues (SPD). But I wouldn’t change ANY of it for the world.
I often say I’d love to go back and tell that 1st time mum I was to chill out and enjoy but I think that experience made the 2nd time just sweeter and laugh at how neurotic I was. It also made me understand much more about myself as a person…..I worry far too much about things. Life is too tough anyway to put any more pressure on myself.
For all you 1st time mummies – you know what?, just do what you have to do to get through the day and keep smiling. And if you need help ASK FOR IT! I am ashamed to say I felt too proud and that would be the 1 thing I would change today.
Would love to hear if any of you felt the same or different or if you can’t wait for 2nd time around?
But for now, at this moment in my life, I embrace my life every day. I work much harder on letting the stress and anxiety go. I am starting to be kinder on myself which in turn, positively effects our home. With all MY lessons learned amongst the chaos and calm, the last thing I need to is put myself under anymore. It is a struggle we all face in the busy world of work, day to day parenthood, social pressures and surviving each day (when its good or bad). I am not by any means 100% on the ball and I still have many issues that need working on but this is a day by day life and I plan to make the most of it.
So tonight after a busy week juggling work and motherhood, I aim to enjoy that tall glass of G&T because I have deserved it, I just need to squish my kids relentlessly first and be thankful I am getting there
Love L x