The dynamic has changed with the arrival of E and me and husband are so exhausted the mere thought of a date night it sometimes makes us even sleepier. ‘Want the kids overnight mum? Sure!’ Then our plans for a wild night, to go out and paint the town red slowly fizzle out and we end up at the cinema scoffing sugary treats to stay awake and watch a film like ‘normal’ couples. Ahhhh those 1st dates we used to have – remember them?
We secretly hope we have enough energy to get home and….well you know. We now retire to bed as soon as the house looks vaguely tidy (I can’t see this changing for another 15 years) and after endless cups of tea and settling into another new boxset; my contacts start to dry to my eyes in protest – ‘no we are too tired. we neeeed sleeeeeeeep’. Yes my dear eyes, me too.
Being back at work, the commute and computer work makes me feel so brain and body tired the thought of even trying to get ready to go out makes me want to curl up into a ball. I can’t cope with that on top of family dinners, bath times, bedtime routines and toy clear up. Sorry, but for now the Romance is on hold!
Just as we thought we’d got to that lovely point with Finley as he sleeps 7-7 with a rare wake up; the arrival of a baby brought back the sleepless nights, controlled crying and teething evenings where just as we get back into a deep sleep, up she gets unable to comfort herself or starts chatting very loudly. I am a light sleeper. Always have been. And most importantly, I forgot this part. She is slowly getting there and at last she seems to sleep for a good solid stretch but when that full night’s sleep goes back ten steps, boyyyyyy do I feel it.
So with a quick wash, pj change (to note – I do not own nice summer pyjamas anymore – it’s old breastfeeding vests because they have an inbuilt support and matched with old comfy saggy pj bottoms) we fall into bed (literally because my eyesight is so bad) and cram as much sleep in as possible. Note – that is unless child 1 or 2 need attention and up we get like an extra from Walking Dead to face whatever situation presents itself. Two weeks ago it was the 24 hour sickness bug. Now its big teeth coming through. To be fair its normally pretty easy to fix but by 3am, it all seems like way too much effort
If we are lucky to get an overnight stay for the little ones, the fact that no child is in the house for us to wake for makes zero difference to us both waking at 6.45 unable to lie in anymore and look at each other in sadness.
“I miss them” I say. “‘Me too” he says.
Forgotten are our plans to have a tasty romantic croissant and earl grey breakfast in bed, (y’know all cute and coupley like). Forgotten are our plans to tackle the endless piles of toys and little pieces of tat my son seems to obsess over (he has a penchant for putting small items into small containers and then hiding said small items into various places). Forgotten are our plans to sort the garden out and do those odd jobs. We wait till they are awake and pick them up (only to regret this in one hours time).
The truth is and this is not meant to sound sickly sweet but we don’t feel complete without our two little monsters. Our lives changed forever 4 years ago and no matter how many times I wish I could sometimes time travel back to our single coupley time, something would always be missing. And although it is sometimes exhausting, trying and extremely tiring, we do love them (most of the time) and when they aren’t around, we loose our spark a little
Don’t get me wrong, we do love a good date night and we have had some pretty wild nights out with insanely horrendous hangovers. But we do need more romance. We need to discover ourselves again as a couple, as individuals and embrace it. In fact, we EVEN exchanged emails recently on booking a dinner out – yey go us!! I now forget who was going to book said table…..hmmmmm
The kids aren’t going anywhere, and neither am I. Just a few more kisses and cuddles wouldn’t go amiss? SO FELLOW PARENTS – we must battle through the Lego, the dolls, the snotty tissues, the piles of washing and find each other again. I know we will one day – I just don’t want to be too past my prime to enjoy those little things being silly drunk again with no one to wake me up in the morning or spend all day in bed because I can or just have quiet in the house.
So my message to my dear hubby is. Just let me have ten more minutes…..just so I can close my eyes and rest. I try and sleep but really I can hear you playing with our children downstairs …although I feel like I could sleep forever, that sound really does make me smile and less grumpy. I then start to daydream of booking a romantic mini break to Florence and Rome. We skip around holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes as we kiss by the Trevi fountain and toss a coin for more happy years….
I then hear a massive thud and an cry – I peel myself out of bed and head down to the brood. I cant keep out of it can I. Reality beckons.
So for a now, a cuppa tea and kiss would do nicely Mr M 🙂 hey who said romance was dead? Oh yep, that would be me. Ooops, I mean its ‘on hold’!