I’m Too Young to Lose Sexual Desire
By our self-help expert and dating coach Dr Pam Spurr
In interviews for my new dating guide I spoke to loads of singles about dating and relationships. I was surprised how many singles in their 20s and early 30s struggled with sexual desire.
Normally we assume women struggle with desire a bit later in life when they’re juggling careers, mortgages, children and might be in a relationship that’s gone a bit stale.
Many younger women felt embarrassed to admit it. But it gave me the opportunity mention the following key ‘life levels’ for them to think about.
Check these out and discover what might play into your lack of sexual desire:
YOU AND HIM – It’s easy to lose sight of keeping things a bit special between you. When juggling so many things you think it’ll still be all right in the bedroom. One day you wake up and realise you haven’t had sex for three months and you haven’t really missed it.
The problem is he might be missing it or one day you might miss it. Even when you’re too tired to have full sex, cuddle up with each other. Keep the affection going and be honest that you’d like to rekindle sex.
Also if you two have argued about, e.g., finances or the children you won’t feel in the mood for sex. Make up, put things right and remember a little effort goes a long way.
YOU AND HEALTH – So many medical and health issues affect sexual desire. And crucially a lot of the medications can affect it.
If you’re on any medication check with your doctor about potential side-effects for sexual desire. Often there are other medications you can try that may not crush your desire.
YOU AND LIFESTYLE – You’d be surprised how many lifestyle choices affect feeling sexy. If you’re a big smoker it affects circulation and that’s been shown to affect sexual performance. Same thing if you’re a big drinker! So definitely look at drinking and smoking less and stopping altogether if necessary.
But also the food you eat affects your mood and well-being. If you rely on junk food, sugary drinks, sweets, ready-made meals packed with salt and sugar, you’ll definitely affect your metabolism. In turn this affects desire.
Introduce lots of fresh vegetables and fruit, wholesome, simple meals, and look at a nutritional supplement that enhances desire like Lady Prelox.
YOU AND MENTAL HEALTH – If you’re stressed out, have too many things pulling you in many directions it affects desire. Or if you’re depressed and anxious it also affects your feelings about sex.
It’s crucial you look at how to handle stress and also take stress out of certain areas of your life. And if you’ve any doubt about whether you might be depressed, speak to your GP.
Trying to soldier on when you have treatable issues isn’t the best way. It’s always better to acknowledge if you’re struggling and get help – a sign of strength not weakness!
When you take care of yourself you take care of sexual desire issues too.
Don’t forget that even small changes to getting physical with your partner can ratchet up your desire again. Start flirting again during the day in messages. Shop for some sexy new lingerie. Treat yourself to a new sex toy or two.
When cuddling up whisper you’d like to share each other’s sexual fantasies. Also tell them in a sensual tone of voice what really works for you – men get super turned on hearing these things.
Good luck and make sure you’re honest with your partner about this. And if you’re single and it’s affected previous relationships, you can turn things around before your next relationship.
THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD – The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is out now
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