What he says about other women and what it says about him as a potential partner!
By our self-help expert and dating coach Dr Pam Spurr
If you’re single and dating, or maybe just met someone, it’s confusing about how to tell what a man’s really like. Because we know everyone puts their best foot forward at first. So is he as good as he seems?
Sadly you might discover down the line he’s actually not so nice. With hindsight you realise you missed signals showing he wasn’t worth your time.
But now it’s too late, you’ve been hurt or it’s just not been a good experience. Many women tell me if only they’d seen it coming they wouldn’t have wasted their time.
I interviewed lots of single men and women for my new book The Laws Of Sisterhood. In those interviews I realised there are unique ways to help you decide if he’s worth going out with.
One of these – revealing so much about what he’ll be like as a partner – is how he talks about other women (besides his mother – that’s a separate article of its own!).
So check out this great way to gauge whether he’s a good man, worthy of you –
It’s quite easy, pay attention to what he says about actresses when you see a film with him or are cuddling up on the sofa for a night of TV together. His casual remarks actually give you insight into his partner-potential.
Take note of these three classic things you should watch for:
*He says things like: What a body on her, she’s so hot, etc.
These reveal he might be a player, feels he has to prove himself by turning anything about women into sexual comments, and he might view women as sex objects. Same thing if he says such things about female colleagues.
*He makes remarks like: She’s such a great actress, her character was so believable, etc.
It reveals he’s thoughtful and not worried about proving himself. Same again if he says things about female colleagues being great or supportive rather than about their physical attributes.
*He criticises things: Negative comments about the actress’s bodies or completely ignores the role they played in the film/on TV.
Essentially he’s saying the women aren’t as important as the men. Again, if he constantly criticises female colleagues you can bet one day he’ll be criticising you.
Also definitely be aware of the man who criticises your all-important friends – the sisterhood. A clear sign he wants to undermine you.
When he reveals he doesn’t have the best partner-potential but you still like him –
*Let’s say you’ve only had a couple dates and he goes on about the hot actress in the film you’ve just seen together. It might be insecurities talking because he feels he has to act the “manly man” who’s interested in “babes”. Casually say something like, “I love the way she played the role. She was so believable.” You might find he actually starts having a conversation about the film that’s not all about how she looked.
If he goes on again about her amazing body, give him a taste of his own medicine, saying something like, “The lead actor was so hot too!” He might get the message.
*What if he’s very critical of other women like those in films or who he works with? Get confident about it, pull him up, and says things like, “She can’t be that bad. What are her good qualities?”
He might get the hint you don’t like hearing loads of negativity. Sometimes men (and women) just need the right nudge and they realise how critical and negative they sound.
Or you might find out he’s just very negative about women and it’s a good idea to steer clear of him.
Good luck doing the film or TV-test on that new guy! If you’re into him I hope he passes.
Dr Pam’s new book THE LAWS OF SISTERHOOD – The girlfriends’ guide to successful dating and finding the one is out now:
Pam is also on twitter @drpamspurr
For more advice visit www.drpam.co.uk